“Yeah, Macho Man” (Pump Up the Jam by Technotronic)
By Werner Mueck | September 3, 2009
“Yeah, Macho Man” (Pump Up the Jam by Technotronic)
Oh Yeah! Macho Man!
Macho Man!
While my elbow’s droppin’!
And yer neck is poppin’!
Ooooh Yeah! See the crowd is jumpin’!
Macho Man is kickin’ ass!
Puttin’ Hogan flat out on the ring mat!
Oooh Yeah!! Be like the Macho Man!
And you’ll fly off the top rope! Yeah!!
I will kick yer ass today!
And snap into a Slim Jim tonight!!
Macho Man!!
Double ax handle away!!
It’ll hit you in the head!! All right!!
Macho Man!!
Macho Man!! Macho Man!!
Macho Man!! Macho Man!!
Yeeeah-yaaaah!!!
Oh Yeah! Macho Man!
Macho Man!
I hear Steamboat’s comin’
I’ll give him a drummin!
Ooooh Yeah! See his neck a snappin’!
Macho Man is kickin’ ass!
Droppin’ the Dragon on the steel gaurd rail!!
Oooh Yeah!! Be like the Macho Man!
Smack people with the ring bell!! Yeah!!!
I will kick yer ass today!
And snap into a Slim Jim tonight!!
Macho Man!!
Double ax handle away!!
It’ll hit you in the head!! All right!!
Macho Man!!
Macho Man!! Macho Man!! Macho Man!! Macho Man!!
Yeeeah-yaaaah!!!
Ooooh, Macho Man!!! Oooh yeah!! Macho Man!!
Ooooh, Macho Man!!! Oooh yeah!! Macho Man!!
Ooooh, Macho Man!!! Oooh yeah!! Macho Man!!
Ooooh, Macho man!!! Oooh yeah!! Macho Man!!
(And it just keeps going like this for a few pages).
Hello? (long pause of silence). Hello?
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Solomon Grundy
By Werner Mueck | August 26, 2009
I’ve been coloring a lot lately so i thought I’d try and color something from my sketchbook. This Solomon Grundy is from my “Legion of Doom” character sketch. He was inked and colored on the computer. The background is a found photo that I played around with. I might mess with it more later on. I was thinking of adding wetness, drips from the hands, work ont he background more to make it “my own”. I was thinking about inking the rest of the Legion of Doom sketch (it had Cheetah, Scarecrow, and Sinestro in it). We’ll see if I ever get around to doing that.
Topics: Artwork | 1 Comment »
Blog Relaunch
By Werner Mueck | August 26, 2009
Because of a hacker incident last month, I have to start over with my sketchbook blog. My entire webpage was erased and the blog was the only thing I didn’t have backed up. It runs on a database and php so I wouldn’t have known how to back it up properly anyway. I was able to find most of my old blog entries archived on Google. I have everything saved, all the song spoofs and the posts about Wrestlefanfest (which I was really happy to find again). I just have to go through it all and re-enter it into the blog. I’m not sure when I’ll get around to doing that. In the meantime, I’ll carry on posting here and there. Hopefully, now that my domain is back up, I’ll make a few website updates as well.
Topics: Miscellaneous | No Comments »
Galacticon Memories 2009
By Werner Mueck | July 25, 2009
Top twenty memories of Galacticon (in no particular order):
Galacticon Memories 2009
1. My only shot at the sound booth I got to do some random growls, grunts, and the Tazmanian Devil. I also did a goofy Italian Spike and my big one of the year, Psycho. It has a special appearance by Kevin Melesky and probably wouldn’t have been half as funny without his input.
2. My “Sketches” and “Gallery” folders got looked at quite a bit and I got asked a lot of questions. There were times I felt I had my own Q&A going and it was a lot of fun.
3. Some of the insults were great. Darren called Todd “Bananas in Pajamas” and “Colonel Mustard” because of his yellow tshirt. Mike Melesky told Darren that he was taller than he imagined and he asked Darren to stand up so he could see his full height (Darren was already standing up). At the end, I had drawn a Lil’ Nitro G drawing which consisted of one small dot. Kevin Melesky was asked if he’d seen “Lil’ Nitro G” and he said yeah, he’s standing right next to you. Good times.
4. The whole “Gene the Caretaker doesn’t like queers” skit. It started when Gene showed Todd and Darren to their rooms. I guess he seemed a little unnerved that that guys were sharing rooms together and Darren turned it into a full homophobic skit. When the air conditioner and tv blown out the fuse, the story had Gene saying that we had broken the tv with our queerness.
5. Giving Smoke crap during the auction, during Chuck’s IPhone discussion, and after he slept through Tom’s Q&A.
6. Chuck Carter signed my Mutant card: “Werner – Great meeting you. Keep the art flame burning!”. I laughed and said something like “flames huh, Darren’s auctioneering got to you, huh” (because Darren volunteered me to draw flames on everything during the auction). He didn’t know what I was talking about. He said he wrote it because he “was passing the torch” but I wasn’t sure how serious he was.
7. Jim Steel vs. Rob Beaubien: Rematch from last year’s parking lot brawl. Jim wasn’t wearing his powder blue Wolf tshirt though.
8. Going to the UFC get together, riding with Tom to the hotel were it was being showed, and then sitting in the back and ignoring most of it. Tom treated me to pizza. Grant gave a bit of “Collector Commentary” between rounds which graduated into a game of “One to Ten”. It was a pretty spectacular gaming group: me, Tom, Chuck Carter, Darren, Kris Osk, and Grant. We did enjoy Brock’s win and his tirade about how he was going to pull the horse shoe out of Mir’s ass and beat him over the head with it.
9. Feeling slightly uncomfortable at the pizza party for some reason like if I were partially invisible to somebody.
10. Sitting in the “dealer room” when Chuck Carter arrived. Somebody called out that Chuck was there, “be quiet. We’re going to pretend we’re not here”. Darren continued his “Ahnold” one man show and pierced the silence. I think he ruined the trick.
11. Telling everybody I had walked Central Park and the Metropolitan Museum of Art the day before and that was why I was walking around like I had shit my pants.
12. Looking for a Wal-Mart with kevin Wible, Jim Steel, Troy and Irish Brat, trying to find a lotto ball cage for Kevin’s hardcore tournament. We found one but damned if we didn’t have the hardcore tournament after all.
13. Darren made some sort of comment about Chinese food and Chewey was standing behind him with a pork bun.
14. Todd went into the Melesky room to get an extension cord to fix the air conditioner. He accidently knocked a beer off a table getting it unplugged. Kevin Melesky then whipped out a Sham-Wow. I don’t mean the small one, I mean the giant tan one.
15. Tom read my answer for “Who is Iron Hand” wrong. He read out “Werner Mueck” and it made me feel pretty good. Then he started reading the name of the person who wrote it and it turns out he got the name and answer switched.
16. After the con, when we got back to Todd’s, I had the opportunity to grab sets from the big cabinet, watch the enveloping process (drew on a few of the envelopes), and even got to see some of them delivered. It wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.
17. Getting to watch as Kris sat at Tom’s computer showing Chuck the colorized versions of his art. We also introduced him to the Lil’ Champions.
18. Hanging out at Sheldon House with Todd, Darren, Mark Ashby, Kris Osk, Jeff Guthierz, and the Melesky’s.
19. I rode to the UFC showing wit Tom and we talked about how little the Bendis original art went for in auction. We talked about how coldly Bendis had been recieved when he was at the con and now he was a really big deal in the comics world. I said something about hoping I’d become some sort of deal in the comics world and Tom said I would.
20. Chewey was showing me a folder full of old artwork, giving me an idea of what he wanted to work on after the con. He turned the page and sitting there was a big wad of cash. “How did that get in there” he said before quickly stuffing it in his pocket.
Top ten Nitro G quotes:
1. Sasquatch IS something I haven’t seen before!
2. Yeah daddy!
3. These aren’t your lunches! Yraaaraaargh!
4. But you ain’t got no legs, Lieutenant Dan.
5. I don’t need you to draw a camel toe on her or anything (said about a superhero character in front of Leslie).
6. Chupacabra….
7. And Werner will draw flames on it for you.
8. It didn’t die!
9. He got a daddy named Forrest, too?
10. Duh!
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“Poo Poo Filled Diaper” (Paperback Writer by the Beatles)
By Werner Mueck | January 19, 2009
“Poo Poo Filled Diaper” (Paperback Writer by the Beatles)
Poo poo filled diaper. Poo poo filled diaper.
Dear god the odor of the crap he took.
The baby filled it up and I don’t wanna look.
Gotta close my nostrils cause I’m goin’ in.
Baby needs a change,
so I must remove the poo poo filled diaper.
Poo poo filled diaper.
It’s a dirty story of a dirty child.
And it’s clinging tight to all he did defile.
And it’s up and down his filthy little leg.
It’s a deadly job.
But I have to clean the poo poo filled diaper.
Poo poo filled diaper.
This job is daunting for a veteran crew.
The stink might die out in a week or two.
I can stay no longer, I can’t stand the smell.
I must change it fast.
I might pass out from the poo poo filled diaper.
Poo poo filled diaper.
Damn I’m out of diapers. Please God hear my plight.
Can I get some Pampers shipped here overnight?
I’m about knee deep, prepared to give it up.
And I need a break,
From the horror of the Poo poo filled diaper.
Poo poo filled diaper.
Topics: Song Spoofs | No Comments »
“Cobra Commander” (Copacabana by Barry Manilow)
By Werner Mueck | January 15, 2009
“Cobra Commander” (to the tune of Copacabana by Barry Manilow)
He works for Cobra, he’s a commander.
Had a blue helmet on his head and he wanted the Joe’s dead.
He threw his tantrums and pounded tables.
And while he tried to rule the land, GI Joe would make a stand.
Across the DMZ, the armies fought voraciously.
They were tough and hated each other.
Who would win the tour?
He is the Cobra (CO!), Cobra Commander (Cobra Commander)
His screeching is like a belt sander. (screech)
He is the Cobra (CO!), Cobra Commander (Cobra Commander)
Ice cold C-Rations were always the fashion.
Food for Cobra….they ate it up.
(Cobra Commander)
His name was Destro, his head was polished.
It was metallic with a glare, he was missing all his hair.
And when he shined it, the Joe’s were blinded.
But Duke would rally out the call. GI Joe would win the fall.
And when the missles hit, Cobra’s tanks were smashed to shit.
There wasn’t blood to pass TV standards.
And now you know (and knowing is half the battle).
He is the Cobra (CO!), Cobra Commander (Cobra Commander)
His screeching is like a belt sander. (screech)
He is the Cobra (CO!), Cobra Commander (Cobra Commander)
Ice cold C-Rations were always the fashion.
Food for Cobra….they ate it up.
(Cobra. . Cobra Commander)
(Cobra Commander) (Cobra Commander, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Cobra Commander)
(Screeching belt sander in a veranda)
(Ice cold C-Rashions…always the fash–shun)
He worked for Cobra, as a Commander
But that was 30 years ago, when he hated GI Joe.
Now he’s in prison, a bitch for Destro.
His high pitched screams as Destro’s whore, can still be heard through cellblock four.
Still in the dress he’s made to wear, he ain’t wearing underwear.
He sits there in dismay, wonders if it made him gay.
He’s feeling bad but Destro is fine.
They do it one more time!
He is the Cobra (CO!), Cobra Commander (Cobra Commander)
His screeching is like a belt sander. (screech)
He is the Cobra (CO!), Cobra Commander (Cobra Commander)
Ice cold C-Rations were always the fashion.
Food for Cobra….they ate it up.
(Cobra) don’t eat it up.
Cobra Commander
Cobra Commander
Topics: Song Spoofs | No Comments »
Galacticon Memories 2008
By Werner Mueck | July 21, 2008
It’s been a week since Galacticon and I’ve had ample time to completely forget what happened. That’s why I’m writing this blog entry. I had no trouble with the flight or bus rides other than being cramped. I think I gave a vegan kid a heart attack while eating my hamburger dinner on the plane but I wasn’t really caring at the time. He was in the wrong seat anyway. I think his nervous jittering was my favorite part of the plane trip.
The ride into Jamestown was a lot more eventful. It was me, “Nitro G” Darren Passarello, and Todd “Tournament Master” Joerchel and an almost non-stop gabfest about racy cartoons. The most memorable part of the trip involved Todd and the Taco Bell women’s bathroom. The two old women were disoriented and Darren seemed pretty shocked himself. Darren was on an extreme training regiment but broke down and had a quesadilla. He also said that Fruity Pebbles was part of his training so I can’t really say how effective the regiment is.
After that I was dropped off in the care of Kevin Wible and Jim Steel at the Red Roof Inn as Todd and Darren went to Sheldon House (or Tom’’s house, one of the two). Darren bragged that I was sleeping in a hotel and he was going to sleep in a mansion. Later, he told me that the Sheldon house looked like a haunted house out of Scooby Doo and that he’d been freaked out by a moth that was in his bed. Nitro G will probably be getting a “Mothman of Sheldon House” bootleg adversary card soon. I met Ray and Patti DeGarmo and Troy’s wife Lisa (Irish Brat) and we all went in to the meet and greet at the Radison.
Necro Butcher showed up at the Radison. He’s in the latest Legends of the Future set and I think his showing up sparked an impromptu tournament with the LOW cards. Necro played himself and won the tournament. He wanted to make it for the Sunday portion of the con and the Galacticup but a show in Philadelphia kept him from showing. He brought copies of the Necro Butcher card and signed them for whoever asked for one. I told him that I’d seen him in San Fransisco last October. He said that was one of his first Ring of Honor shows. I mentioned that me and Grant had to leave our seats when he came to the outside and he said that when you see him coming, it’s best to move. He also said that in Japan, he could pick out the Japanese mobsters because they didn’t move. When he noticed this, he would quickly find another place to fight.
Apparently Kris Osk had a problem with his soup. The waitress at the bar/restaurant messed up or something and everybody had to get up to retrieve their bills. I seem to remember there was a snafu last year too. Anyway, me, Ray, and Jeff Manning sat with Darren for a long time as he moderated comments, adds, and fan art on Stan Lee’s myspace. We had a blast laughing at some of the comments and suggestions. Jeff was plastered and I think Ray was mesmerized by the myspace page. At the end of the night, the waitress asked what he was doing and he told her. She apparently loves Stan Lee and had an attack of “the vapors”. She later she sent a message to Stan Lee’s myspace the next day apologizing for Kris’ soup.
When the convention started, I gave away a bunch of W3 stuff at my table. Within ten minutes it was all gone and I was left wondering why I still had a table. I still had things to show and was there to draw (didn’t draw much though). I didn’t play a whole lot. I played in Jim’’s tournament at Chataqua Comics and lost in the first round twice and Kevin’s Hardcore tournament and lost in the first round.
The audio recording sessions were fun with Mark Ashby. I can”t remember who all I read for but I know I at least doubled my collection of three voices for last year. I did Antak, Spike, and Mutant, Sleeper Cell, Ahnu, Donk (??) for sure. Mark said I sounded like I was throwing up for Mutant which I think is perfect. My Antak is something that needs to be heard. I don’t know if it’s good or not but it sure is different. Also did the voice of Grillz in the “live” Lawless podcast. Me and Jeff Manning decided to switch characters for it which was good since he sounded the part of Darth Brooks and I didn’t have very many lines to read.
Darren gave me crap during the auction, claiming that I’d draw things on the items being sold. It’s hard to explain what we were doing but it resembled a memory game my nephew plays sometimes where we will name something we’ll take on vacation, the next guy says what was named previously and adds to it and by the end of the game, nobody can remember everything that was being taken on vacation. Each auctioned item added something new to this imaginary drawing I was supposed to do. At the end of the auction I think we had a wrestler with his head on fire, wrapped in barb wire, turning into a werewolf, eating a Harley Race ice cream bar, and kicking the crap out of Brian Michael Bendis. I’m sure I left a lot out.
Jack D. aka Louden Noxious from Kaiju Big Battle was at the convention. He had a little table set up and was giving away his Synergy women’s tag team bootlegs, art by Hannibal King. He had photocopies of preliminary CotG art, original sketches, and a stack of drawings he had done to go with his GWF shows, stuff like a cover for Bishop Hell’s barbecue cookbook, stable drawings, and card schedules. I got to sit in when Tom looked over the stuff Jack brought, telling stories about the sketches and characters.
Friendly’s was crowded and I’m wondering if we’ll be there again next year. Jim Steinhoff and Smoke won the rights to tear up Valentine posters this year. Steinhoff went into a rant that would have made a serial killer proud. We also had a birthday cake for Darren and I didn’t get any. I think I got to the second round of the Promoter Madness tournament with Darth Brooks as well. I handed out a few drawings that I hadn’t delivered on Saturday. I ate breakfast as I watched other GWF”ers arrive in the pissing rain.
The last thing we did in Jamestown took place in Tom Filsinger’s bedroom. Mark Ashby interviewed me, Todd, Darren, and Tom. I’m hoping my interview didn’t make me sound like a total ass. I also got to see Tom’s office. He had a stack of Dark Menaces and I got a couple signed for me and my nephew. I gawked at the stuff on his walls; photos of Tom with wrestlers, early CotG art, a “family” photo collage that had character art and fan photos in them (one of them was a very young Mark Ashby). We even listened to his answering machine. We got to hear a Greg Valentine confirmation phone call for the Motor City Con (we’re locked in, buddy), Stan Lee, and a mysterious man from Florida who didn”t know the answering machine was still recording…………………………… hello? The visit ended with Tom and Todd discussing secret Filsinger business as me and Darren were forced to watch Spongebob Squarepants in the living room with Tom’s daughters (one of which has a photo of Nitro G above her bed).
The ride back was fun. We picked up were we left off a few days before and made fun of the Squidbillies. Darren got to use the kids urinal in a rest stop. We got in really late, Darren was picked up, and I crashed on the couch. I wanted to get an order of cards while I was at Todd’s, he had shown me the inventory when I had first gotten there but we were both tired and had four hours until we had to leave for the airport. It was a fun time and it seems as though next year will be even bigger.
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“Frodo” (Lodi by Creedance Clearwater Revival)
By Werner Mueck | February 26, 2008
‘”Frodo” (Lodi by Creedence Clearwater Revival)
Just about a year ago, we set out in the gloom.
Went from a shortcut to mushrooms and ended at the Crack of Doom.
Ring wraiths came and Gandalf cursed. I guess we’ll destroy the ring.
Oh lord! Stuck watching Frodo again.
Nazgul on the warpath! They chased us from Overhill.
Past Buckleberry Ferry. We skipped Tom Bombadil.
Walked into the Prancing Pony. Strider says he’s our friend.
Oh lord! Stuck watching Frodo again.
We all met in Rivendell and formed us a Fellowship.
I volunteered with Frodo. But I wasn’t well equipt.
The Balrog fell down a crack in the ground. And Gandalf fell in too.
Oh lord! Stuck watching Frodo again.
Mmmmmmmmm…….
If I only had a bit of pipe weed, to pack inside my pipe.
I’d get my own little Shire hole and make Rosie Cotton my wife.
You know I would ride the next Ent… back to where I live.
But no, lord! I’m stuck watching Frodo again.
Oh, lord! Stuck watching Frodo again.
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“Hick Wedding” (White Wedding by Billy Idol)
By Werner Mueck | February 25, 2008
“Hick Wedding” (White Wedding – Billy Idol)
Hey little sister what have we done?
Hey little sister how’s our only son?
Hey little sister why’s our mama mad?
Hey little sister what’s with uncle dad?
Why does he have a shotgun?
It’s a nice day to… screw yer kin.
It’s a nice day for a … hick wedding.
Hey little sister where do I stand?
Hey little sister I like the geetar band?
We’ll make out tonight to this song.
You won’t be fifteen for too long.
I let you go for too long.
It’s a nice day to… screw yer kin.
It’s a nice day for a … hick wedding.
Take me back home, now!
It’s frowned upon in this state.
It ain’t wanted here in this state.
Is it even legal in this state?
We’ll be prosecuted in this state!
We’ll be fugitives in this state!
Aaaahhh… Aaaaah… Aaaaahhhhh!!!
Screw yer kiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!
Come on…
It’s a nice day to… screw yer kin.
It’s a nice day for a … hick wedding.
Topics: Song Spoofs | No Comments »
“Safety Pants” (Safety Dance by Men Without Hats)
By Werner Mueck | February 19, 2008
“Safety Pants” (Safety Dance by Men Without Hats)
Poop your pants when you want to.
Tell your friend your feelin’ fine.
And if your friend wears pants then take his clean pants.
And leave him with a bare behind.
I say we go when we want to.
In a place that’s easy to clean.
We can crap all day, at work or at play.
Be a hardcore pooping machine.
We can poop when we want to.
My bowels are old and so am I.
I can wear depends, justify my end.
And then fill them with a mystery pie.
Lay a log when you want to.
And I know no one will see.
I can crap a bit, sit there in my shit.
It doesn”t mean a thing to me.
Say, poop your pants, poop your pants.
Go ahead and lose control.
Poop your pants, poop your pants.
Go and exercise your hole.
Poop your pants, poop your pants.
Drop a duece and have a turd.
Poop your pants, poop your pants.
Then you”ll be as free as a bird.
Poop your pants when you want to.
Let your trusty bowels unbind.
Turn on some good music,
You can just feel free to loose it,
Everything’’s gonna come out fine.
I say, poop your pants when you want to.
Let the nurse wipe your behind.
And if the nurse wears pants, then take her clean pants.
That’s what I like to do with mine.
Say, poop your pants, poop your pants.
Go ahead and lose control.
Poop your pants, poop your pants.
Go and exercise your hole.
Poop your pants, poop your pants.
Drop a duece and have a turd.
Poop your pants, poop your pants.
Then you”ll be as free as a bird.
Safety Pants! Wear Safety Pants!
Wear Safety Pants! Wear Safety Pants!
Wear Safety Pants! Wear Safety Pants!
Wear Safety Pants!’
Topics: Song Spoofs | No Comments »